


A Murder, A Letter, Some More Murderers, More Letters, & Friends

by daughter_of_chaos



Category: Death Note
Genre: ??? - Freeform, Canon Compliant, Crack, Maybe - Freeform, Multi, don't take this seriously, why did i do this
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-04-05
Updated: 2016-04-05
Packaged: 2018-05-31 09:06:01
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 969
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6464266
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/daughter_of_chaos/pseuds/daughter_of_chaos
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A crack summary of Death Note.</p>
            </blockquote>





	A Murder, A Letter, Some More Murderers, More Letters, & Friends

**Author's Note:**

> I was going to write a cute Lawlight poem, but then I decided this is probably much worse. So I did it.

A high schooler finds a notebook  
And devises a plan.  
It begins  
With calculated murder,  
Criminals, one by one, cry out for a savior as their hearts stop ticking.  
Step 2, we’re not all that sure  
But step 3 ends with profit,  
Becoming god of a new world  
Guarded by  
Kira.

Also there’s Ryuk  
He’s like hot topic’s cover model or something  
He tells Light neat junk about his notebook  
Eats fruit  
And watches Light like his life is a trashy drama  
(it is).

We then receive a letter  
Realistically it turns out just to be a frog  
With no endearing qualities  
But we love him  
Because he’s sweet.

Raye Penber  
He’s pretty chill  
But Light kills him  
Moving on.

L puts up some cameras to look at Light,  
Not because he’s a pervert,  
As Misa Amane will warn you of,  
But because Light may or may not be killing people??

 

This frog searches for this teenager, with a big enough ego to battle his own.  
By the time he decides that this child must be insane,  
Light has leveled up.  
Not to God, but to college student  
(which is two steps below God.)

Our main letter,  
As of now,  
L,  
Has a very intense staring match with Light  
It’s full of sexual tension  
Also him revealing his identity as L  
But mostly sexual tension and a red and blue color trip.

Problem!!  
Our mass murderer can’t kill L,  
They just met and he doesn’t know his name!!  
This sucks.

L also has a problem  
Light is Kira, but he has a lack of evidence.  
How do you get evidence?  
Sleeping together  
Tennis.  
It’s a start to the profiling,  
They are both also way too good at this sport,  
And then they go out for food, because  
Reasons.  
During the date Light’s dad has a heart attack  
But Light didn’t do it  
So he’s fine.

Light tells L to put him in a cell  
Because it’s a huge turn on  
But L says, no that’s nasty, for now.  
Also a new Kira is on the news.  
Whatever.

Naomi is pretty fucking badass  
But she also gets messed up by our very own Mr.Khaki  
Which is upsetting.  
But at least she’s with her douche-canoe  
(husband).  
They also try to contact Kira 2.  
Who made like a devil deal with a purple bone monster,  
Who probably wants to jump Kira 2’s bones  
Because she’s hot.  
So now our Second Kira only need a face to kill.  
Neato!  
Everyone else is panicking, and Light’s grumpy about this.

The little police officer who could, Matsuda  
And Light go to try and meet up with New Kira  
Who found Light  
With her crazy eyes.

This Kira is Misa Amane  
Who loves Light  
Because she owes him a solid.

Purple Monster Rem threatens Light  
Because he’s kind of a dick  
And they love Misa  
Cute.  
That’ll fuck ‘em over in the end though.

L says that if he dies Light is Kira  
Uncool.

Misa meets Light at school and sees L’s name  
Then she’s arrested.  
L says torture her  
Because fuck it, he’s L.  
She relinquishes her death note, and doesn’t remember Rem  
Or being a murderer. 

Light says he might be Kira???  
So L locks him up,  
And also Light’s Dad, because he’s dadly.

 

Light gets rid of the notebook  
And forgets everything  
Now he’s a sweety.

L has Light’s dad pretend to go crazy and threatens to shoot the sweet bunnies  
For a confession  
They probably have PTSD  
But it’s cool, he’s L.

L and Light are wrist buddies  
Handcuffs galore.

They catch the NEW NEW kiras.  
And then Light touches his old diary  
And realizes  
Damn! I’m Kira.

Then he gets Misa in danger  
L and old man with a mustache (Watari) die  
And so does purple person,  
I told you it’d bite ‘em in the ass,

Light is then L for 5 years  
(one step below god)  
Because you can’t control the world unless you have buns hun.

Then you have L’s real successors  
Blonde Mobster with an addiction to chocolate (Mello)  
And Pajama Man, who enjoys toys (Near)

These dudes go after Kira  
Because he’s a dick bag  
And this is highlander  
So there can only be one L.

Near makes the SPK ,Space Pink Kittens,  
To catch Kira.  
While Mello goes the traditional route, mobsters and kidnapping.

Mello kidnaps the director of the NPA  
And Light kills him  
So Mello decides to kidnap his sister, Sayu  
(so smol and innocent)  
While Light is panicking  
Near calls and is like  
“I know this is a bad time, but you ain’t L, K? Bye.”

Near and Light hang out to rescue the small.  
Dadliest Dad goes on a rescue mission for small.

After a bit of shenanigans and actual plot  
Dad Light gets killed by Mello  
For the funsies.

The U.S claims fuck that shit in Japan  
We’re America, we don’t care.

Mello’s got a cool scar now.  
And is kinda chillin’ with Near now.  
So now Near wants to go after Light.  
But Light then threatens America for the location of the SPK,

Light makes a new friend  
Mikami  
Who wants to kill people  
Cool.  
He hires Takada to be a spokesperson.  
Nice.

Mikami is caught  
But he has no clue  
Near does shit to fuck up Light’s godliness. 

Somewhere in here a kid named Matt gets shot  
He liked video games  
It probably said  
“I forgot to save”

on his GRAVE

Mello kidnaps Takada  
Takada kills Mello  
Light kills Takada.  
It’s the circle of life.

Near swip-swapped the notebook with a fake  
So he wins and junk  
Matsuda shoots Light  
Light runs away after looking really nuts.  
Ryuk kills him,  
Before he dies he sees the letter frog.

Near probably did some cool L shit  
The End.

**Author's Note:**

> I'll contribute actual things later


End file.
